Oh Damn! It Got Accepted

I had just got to work and unpacked my stuff.  I opened my computer and saw that on my own email there happened to be a message from the program chair.  I feel an immediate pit in my stomach.  I take out my headphones and stop my audiobook.  I look around and because I am "he who arrives with the dawn" at work, there is no one else around.  I take a deep breath and click on the email.  There's that pit in the stomach as I see the email from the program chair.  No information given in the email besides the feedback is attached and I should talk to my advisor.   Honestly, this is all the email says:

Email states: "Dear Lance, Please find attached the ffaculty's evaluation of your QP. Please be in touch with your advisor to discuss the committee's comments.  Hope you are well!"

What the hell is that?  My mind races to its ambiguity and it makes me wonder.  Do I need to talk to my advisor because I'm in trouble?  My QP was evaluated but that sounds ominous without further indication.  "Hope you are well!"  Do I need to be well?  Just what the hell am I about to open?    So, I click the attached document and take a deep breath.

A letter from the program saying that my paper has been accepted with moderate revisions required.

I let my breath go and look upward after reading the boldface "revise and resubmit your QP to your advisor"--another way of saying, it has been accepted, you need to clean it up a little, but you can go forwarrd.  I utter a slow and meaningful, "Fuck, yes!"  

I was certainly prepared for rejection.  I knew there was a sincere certainty of that, but to read the words and to know that I can move forward is a tremendous relief.  I would have continued even if I was not allowed to move forward at this time, but it would have probably required a week of emotionally eating my way through pizza, fries, ice cream and more, video games and a good cry at some point.

I read the letter a little further to see the critiques and concerns--none of which is surprising or without merit.  I close the email and I call my partner, I need to share.

"Hello," she says in a groggy voice that tells me she's still in bed; her days start much later than mine.  My guess is that she's in bed, trapped as usual, by our two cats who though only weigh 16 pounds collectively, manage by some feat of physics to turn that into 1600 pounds, making it impossible to move from undernead them.  

"It got accepted."  It's all I have to say; she knows what "it" was.  We've been waiting openly patiently but internally impatiently, for this moment for weeks--literally since I passed it in.  

"Oh, that's great babe!  Yay!"  She says, still sleepy by rallying excitement.

"It's revise and resubmit but that's what I wanted and now I can go forward."  She already knows this but I just need to say it aloud.  She reiterates her enthusiasm for me and our accomplishment before we end the call.  

My mini-celebration is over and my next set of messages are fired off to my cohort members to check in about if they have gotten their notices and to celebrate or provide support for those that may not need it.  

No everyone got accepted.  We knew this would happen but it feels no less disheartening for me and how I think of our cohort.  Whenever one of us doesn't move forward, in some ways, I feel like we as a cohort could have done better, could have helped in clearing some hurdle or other in their endeavour or just provided a bit more support and checking in.  It's not necessarily true, but the feeling is no less relevant.  

Having checked in with my cohort, I proceed to shoot off a few messages to friends who have been waiting to hear which way it would go.  I also forward the email to my advisor and another faculty member who have helped me in producing the QP and thanking them for all their support.  

Now, it's time to think about revisions and the fact that the next obstacle will be the dissertation proposal.  It looks like I'm doing this.    

Want to keep up with my PhD adventures?  Check out any of the links below:

  1. Acceptance...and acceptance
  2. Orientation
  3. Day 1
  4. Week 1
  5. First 2 Courses Completed
  6. First 2 Courses Finished
  7. Semester 2, Here We Go
  8. The Existential Crisis of the Week
  9. The Balancing Act
  10. Negotiating Privilege in Higher Education
  11. Zeroing in on Research
  12. Completing the Second Semester
  13. My Educational Autobiography
  14. So Starts the Third Semester
  15. My Educational Philosophy...for now
  16. PhD'ese
  17. And Sometimes, You Feel It
  18. Semester's Endgame
  19. Year 1, Officially Done
  20. Year 2, Week 1, Day 1
  21. Year 2, Week 1 Done! 
  22. 1/3 Complete!?!?
  23. Click...
  24. Day 1; Semester 5
  25. Share and Share Alike
  26. Mindful and Mind-Filled
  27. 5th Semester Down
  28. Day 1, Semester 9
  29. The Two Demons of My Doctorate
  30. When Senioritis Kicks In
  31. The Final Friday
Sub-series specifically about the dissertation:
  1. Dissertation Journal #1
  2. Dissertation Journal #2
  3. Dissertation Journal #3
  4. Dissertation Journal #4
  5. Dissertation Journal #5
  6. Dissertation Journal #6
  7. Dissertation Journal: QP Revised Edition

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