What's In a Name? What's In a Life?

Estimated Reading Time: 6 minutes

I've never met someone else named Lance before or maybe just once.  I've met a Lane but not a Lance.  I used to hate my name growing up: Lance Eaton.  It was mana for the folks who wanted to tease and make fun of others (to be clear; I certainly also participated in this because many who are bullied, bully, alas). But there were many refranes that I heard throughout my childhood:  Lance does a dance in his underpants all the way to France.  And of course, I get sent this meme at least once every other month:

However, one thing that's interesting in the digital age is the overwhelming awareness of the uniqueness of my name.  There are only a few Lance Eatons out there.  I've come across Lance Eatons who are a financial account, a realtor, someone serving time, a supposed chiropractor (the only evidence is his Instagram account--hmmm?) and a mayor. There's also apparently an actor who was in like 4 things. So it's often very easy for me to keep an accurate update of my name on what the web with a Google Alert for "Lance Eaton".  I have had that one for at least a decade, probably longer.    

But a few weeks, a new thing showed up on my Google Alerts--and showed up repeatedly for about 3 weeks.  A new Lance Eaton appeared...in an obituary, that was republished in different venues so I kept getting the obituary every day or two now.  If I were given to superstitions or omens, it would feel a little Kafkaesque or something out of a Jorge Luis Borges story--as if the obituary is haunting me.   

Generally, an obituary wouldn't feel haunting but when I read it, the absence of substance makes it a bit haunting.  The obituary reads: 

Lance Eaton Obituary

Lance Eaton, 79, departed this life Friday morning July 12, 2024, at North Mississippi Center in Tupelo, Ms.

Arrangements are incomplete at this time. Ripley Funeral Home will be handling all arrrangements.

To send flowers

to the family or plant a tree

in memory of Lance Eaton, please visit our floral store.

So a few things draw my attention here.

1.  North Mississippi Center is a hospital.  So he died in a hospital and that's pretty much the only detail we get.

  

2.  No arrangements have been made.

3.  The second arrangement is misspelled (still was on 8/20/2024).  Adding the extra "r" makes it sound like pirate speak: "ARRRangements!"

4. Arrangements are incomplete and the funeral home is handling them. That seems confusing since it's the funeral home that appears to have put out the obituary.  

5. Whose floral store is "our floral store"?  It can't be the funeral home because on the website, they explain they don't have a store but connect folks with a local florist depending on location.  The hospital does have a gift and floral shop but it's unclear how if they take arrangements to be connected with the funeral home.

It looks like something hastily put the obituary together for someone who did not necessarily have anyone in their life. It reads as a sad obituary.  Realistically, we're all going to be forgotten with time, but this obituary reads as a Lance Eaton forgotten in this time.  I'm sure I'm not the only one imagining that this is someone who died alone in a hospital.  And, we know that happens a lot--in hospitals, in homes, in the streets.  We know that life is precarious, many people are alone, and dying alone is likely for some portion of us--something that deeply scares many of us.  

I've certainly talked about death regularly on this blog for years.  Over a decade ago, I reflected on the death of a student, I've regularly tried to unpack my own attempts at suicide (here and here), and I wrote an 8,000+ word essay about the death of my father. So it's no surprise, I'm exploring it now yet again.  

The easiest interpretation of me thinking about this obituary, of course, is that I'm contemplating my own mortality (in the sense of life and being middle-aged) and even my legacy.  After all, I'm seeing someone with my namesake not just passing away but with so little to be said of him. Sure, those thoughts are somewhere swarming in my head.  And of course, I may feel that more so because I chose not to have children and there is very limited extended family with children for the next generation.  

But I think I'm just wondering about this Lance Eaton's dash. "The Dash" is a poem by Linda Ellis that celebrates the dash on one's tombstone.  The dash represents the vastness of human experience which inevitably gets reduced to a dash or a vague obituary. The absence of anything but a dash raises questions about who he was and what life he lived. It turns him into a mystery--one that won't provide any answers and to which I must refrain from making assumptions or drawing conclusions.  

Like many posts, starting this was easy, but finding the right ending is a little more challenging.  The other side of the dash for this post is a bit harder to figure. I've raised attention to someone that I know so very little about and used him and his death as a means of reflecting on my own life and ponderings. In doing so, some readers might find this unsettling (either contemplating their own mortality or wanting to make sure I'm ok--yes, I am).  But I think something like this is more of a practice than a clearly captured experience.  

I've long believed the looking at my own mortality is a necessary means to both accepting its inevitability and also reminding me that if I'm contemplating that reality, it means I'm still on this side of the equation or rather, I'm still in the dash.  Thinking about the thing that I have no control over (as my history teacher, Mr. Metropolis would say, "We all going there; some are just getting there sooner than others"), reminds me and moves me to be thoughtful about the things I can currently control or do.  And that feels right for me.  

So I don't know anything about the Lance Eaton in the obituary above--I don't know what's in his dash, but it can still be a palpable reminder that I'm the only one who will fully know my dash.  And I not only have to be ok with that, but I have to make sure I make that dash as long, exciting, and thrilling for me and do my best to share that dash with others.

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